Quick Update / Post

Hi All -

Just have a minute but wanted to let you all know how things are with Michelle. She is feeling quite a bit better though still pretty sore. You just don't realize how much you use the muscles in that upper portion of your chest - including brushing your teeth! - so Michelle still has limited movement of her right arm at the moment if she doesn't want to deal with the discomfort. Still, not to be unexpected I guess and she is progressing.

At this point, unless she really improves, more than likely she will have them do the first week of chemo through IV into a vein in her arm. She is concerned that the port area is just too sore for them to be accessing it, since they actually have to get a hold of it before inserting the needle. We shall see...

Please pray that the remaining pain/discomfort subsides quickly, even by Monday so that they can use the port for the treatment. Pray also that Michelle will tolerate the treatment(s) well! Thanks so very much for your prayers, we definitely feel them!! We will write again soon; much love to you all - Steve and Michelle -

The Day After Port

Greetings and good Wednesday evening -

Thanks for checking back to see how Michelle is doing today. I wish I could tell you she is doing great but I cannot; it was a night of fitful sleep due to quite a bit of pain. In fact, she is in more pain after having the port inserted than when she had the surgery to remove the tumor! The pain has continued though thankfully it is slightly better this evening. So please pray that the Lord would ease away the pain and heal her up quickly; especially that she would be doing much better by Monday because they will need to access the port when she takes chemo.

Apart from that, we continue to do well and are firm in our belief that the Lord will see us all through, that Michelle will be able to get through all the treatments without any complications and that we will not have to walk this road again! Give praise to Him today for His faithfulness in all things and for the fact that, like the worship song says, "He is good, all the time; all the time, He is good!" You are loved... - Steve and Michelle -

Port Is In

Hi everyone -

Sorry I have not posted since Saturday; there has not been anything new to report until today so life has just been "normal" for a few days. Of course, that changed today as we took the last step before starting chemotherapy next Monday (April 2nd).

First, Michelle did have the port surgically inserted today and everything went fine, apart from taking a bit longer than expected which was VERY nerve racking for me! It was supposed to take only about 25 to 30 minutes and there I was an hour and 15 minutes later thinking to myself, "Hmmm... they are running the catheter tube through a vein to just outside her heart and it is taking too long!" Of course, all was just fine. The reason it took longer was because the vein they were using had a turn in it that took a little work to navigate, slowing everything down. As we sit here at home, Michelle is doing fine though pretty sore in her shoulder area and not able to move her right arm now very much. She was just beginning to be able to use her left arm consistently and now it's her right; gives new meaning to "If it's not one thing, it's another!" They used a different anesthesia this time so she did not have the same difficulties on that front like when she had her last surgery, resulting in no dizziness or nauseousness; HALLELUJAH!!! Please pray that the pain/discomfort will subside and that Michelle would heal up quickly.

Second, we did get the report back on the MUGA Scan following the surgery today. The results were good and Dr. DeHaan said all is fine on that front. So the test showed what we already knew, Michelle has (a good) HEART!!!

Okay, well, that's the latest at this point. I will be sure to let you know how Michelle is doing tomorrow. In the meantime, join us in praising the Lord for another successful step on this journey that He has us on , and continue to pray for Michelle as she walks this road! Pray for healing and also that the Lord would prepare her for starting chemo on Monday. Pray also that the side-effects of the chemo would be minimal at the most... no side-effects would be great! Blessings, grace and peace to you all... - Steve and Michelle -

MUGA Scan Completed

Good Saturday morning to you -

Sorry we didn't get a post up last night, it was a bit of a hectic day that was culminated with having Bible Study for the first time in four weeks! It was good to have everyone over again, studying the word together and fellowshipping with one another; for those who couldn't make it, we missed you! I'm working at getting the teaching(s) accessible through the blog, hopefully by the end of the weekend I will get that accomplished.

The MUGA Scan went just fine and no one came bursting into the room in a panic, so we take that as a sign that nothing was out of the ordinary. We will get the official reports some time on Monday but we do not expect any surprises. It is an interesting test... they withdraw some blood and mix it with whatever that radiotracer "stuff" is that they need to use for the scan, wait 45 minutes, re-inject the blood/radiotracer mix into you, wait another 45 minutes, and then do the actual scan.

As for Michelle, she handled it all like the "trooper" she is; no complaining about getting another heploc inserted in her arm/vein, having blood drawn, laying still for a long period of time, etc. I continue to be amazed at how, as one dear friend put it, she continues to "stand tall and straight with her face to the wind as the hurricane of adversity batters her shores." I could not have come up with better words to describe the faith and resolve Michelle continues to display and operate in every single moment of every single day. What have I done in my life to deserve such a wife, a wife who challenges me daily to grow in my walk with and faith in the Lord, leading me in that by example? I thank the Lord continually for His overwhelming grace, because the answer to the above rhetorical question is "Nothing!"; it is only because of His immense mercy and grace that I find myself so blessed.

Our next, and last, step before starting chemo on April 2nd is to have the port surgically inserted this coming Tuesday (27th). Please pray that the results of the MUGA Scan are good and for the Lord to prepare Michelle even now for the port to be inserted. I know that will be another big step for her, especially since it will have to remain in for a year. Dr. DeHaan will be the one to insert the port which is comforting for us; please pray for him as well. Lastly, please be praying for our kids; on the outside they all seem to be doing well but I am wise enough to know that on the inside that may not be the case. "Thank you" does not express the gratitude we have for all your prayers... thank you for continuing to do so! We love you... - Steve and Michelle -

On The Eve Of The Next Step

Good Thursday evening to you all -

It is so hard to believe another week is almost in the books, life is so full of "busyness" right now! I am so thankful we have a God who is into even the smallest details, guiding and directing our lives even when we don't consciously realize it!!! Praise Him for all His goodness and greatness!!!

As you know if you have been following along, we take our next step along the "road" tomorrow with Michelle undergoing a MUGA Scan. Another test; thankfully, apart from an injection, this one is painless; she just has to lay there completely still for quite a while. Of course, as those who have tried that can attest, it is much harder to do than it sounds! Unfortunately, Michelle has gotten pretty good at it...

Please pray that the test goes well and the results of it are good. Apart from the obvious reasons (smile), it is important that her heart is functioning well without any abnormalities so that she can receive Herceptin as part of her chemo regimen. This is an issue because Herceptin has a low risk of exasperating heart issues due to it's toxicity, specifically to the heart itself. I know, I know... sometimes it seems the treatment isn't worth the risk, especially since it seems to be preventative. Trust me, that is not lost on us. All I can say in response is "It is the fine balance between risk versus reward." That just gives us all even more of a reason to PRAY!

We will try our best to post tomorrow evening and give you an update on things. It may not get done until Saturday morning since we have the Bible Study at our house tomorrow evening... ministry goes on!!! (big smile) So, in the meantime, continue to pray, pray, pray! You are all loved more than you know... - Steve and Michelle -

Chemo Start Date Set

A Tuesday evening greeting to you all -

Okay, well it seems the schedule is now set for us as we continue this journey of faith in the Lord. In short, our next 13 days look like this: MUGA Scan on Friday (March 23rd), port surgically inserted in Michelle's upper chest area on Tuesday (March 27th), start chemo the following Monday (April 2nd). That means, barring any complications or delays during treatment, we will complete 12 cycles/weeks of chemo with the last treatment being on June 18th.

I wasn't sure all of this could feel any more real, but it sure does now that we have a start date set. Please, please, please pray for all of us as we each prepare once again, in our own ways, to deal with this... but pray especially for Michelle. Specifically, when it comes to Michelle taking chemo, pray that the possible side-effects will not occur and that she will handle the treatments well.

That will be it for now... we love you all and are so thankful for all your prayers! -Steve and Michelle -

P.S. This is a message for Yong Park... I tried to e-mail you, Yong, but the address you left does not appear to be valid. If you get a moment, could you please verify that for me and leave it for me again? Thanks, my brother... Steve

Home Again...

Greetings to you all from my own living room, having arrived home around midnight last night from California. The trip to and ministry at San Quentin State Prison went very well; it was genuinely good to once again be with our Christian brothers incarcerated there, renewing relationships that started last November when I found myself there the first time. I send you their greetings and ask that you remember all of them in your prayers.

Being with them these past days has once again challenged me in my walk with the Lord; would I be as joyous as they, would I hold as fast to the Lord, would my worship be as heartfelt, would I display the love of Christ so completely if I found myself locked up in that aging prison? More than a few times, as we talked about our lives and how the Lord was moving in each, I would watch tears form in their eyes as I shared with them where we find ourselves now... and they would stop me and pray for Michelle and our family. Whatever they had done, whatever crime committed, that is no longer what defines them, but rather what Christ has done in them! It was so easy to forget exactly where you were; inside of one of California's most notorious prisons, yet experiencing the love of Christ so clearly through men that most of society would rather forget even exist. But exist they do, in some of the most cruel of conditions: multi-tier cell blocks, 5'x8' cell upon 5'x8' cell, one right next to the other down a 300+ foot length of hallway, five floors high, two men per dark cell. In spite of these conditions, having been forgiven and redeemed through His blood, Jesus lives in the hearts of our gentle, loving brothers there. As sure as their crimes are what put them there, so too is the evidence that God's redeeming power extends far beyond the "free world" we live in; reaching, impacting, changing and cleansing from sin those that the world would say are beyond redemption. What a testimony of the power of God's saving grace!!

I am fully confident that through the prayers of my brothers in San Quentin, joined together with all of your prayers, God will truly be glorified through the path that we are now walking!!! Thank you again as you co-labor with us on this journey of trusting Jesus wholly... you are much loved! - Steve and Michelle -

Preparing...

It has been a few days now since making the decision to move forward with the Taxol/Herceptin regimen and we are slowly getting our "heads around" the fact that we find ourselves having to endure chemo again. It seems we have been living this scene over and over these past weeks... cancer diagnosis again, surgery again, slowly healing again, staring chemo right in the face again; not the kind of deja vu you want to experience, ya know! Still, we are getting there, preparing our hearts and minds to not just survive but to walk this road in a way that will glorify the Lord and bear testimony of His goodness in the midst of the storm.

As I was teaching today during a workshop inside San Quentin State Prison I was once again struck with the reality that, like those men who are locked up inside that prison, many of those who are around us in church every weekend are in their own "prisons", even though there are no cells and walls that hold them. My heart breaks for these who find themselves there due to difficulties, trials, and hurts life has brought their way. It has strengthened my resolve to not allow Michelle and myself to let any of what we are going through cause us to lose sight of the greatness, goodness and graciousness of the God that we serve; to not allow it to cause us to "circle the wagons" and endure this in isolation; to not find ourselves "blaming" God for our situations. To do so would cause us to be locked up in the "hell" of this insidious disease; to do so would not allow us to experience the true freedom we have in Christ; to do so would not allow us to experience the Body of Christ being the Body of Christ in our lives, praying for and ministering to us just as we desire to do for all of you.

Please pray even now for Michelle to handle the chemo treatments well and that the possible side-effects would not be experienced by her; pray for us as we continue to "prepare" for that time; pray that in and through it all we will display and glorify Christ in our lives. Know that as you pray for us we are praying for you all. Keep praying for our friend Mike and his wife, Jennifer, as well as their kids (see previous post). Just as every service is ended at our church so I will end this post... You are loved! - Steve and Michelle -

Decisions Made...

Thank you all for your continued prayers for Michelle, the kids and me. We so appreciate them and have felt each and every one. It has not been the easiest last 24 hours for us as we have considered the post-op treatment options placed before us. We really didn't believe that chemo would be in the "mix" and we REALLY didn't want to go through that all again. To say it has been a bit emotional would be an understatement I think. It's funny how easily we can slip into looking beyond where we find ourselves now... yesterday served to "slap us" back into the reality that none of us knows what tomorrow will hold. Reminds me of one of my "Selah" posts; we plan, but then we need to commit it all to the Lord because only He knows the "real plan!"

So, the decision: we have decided that we are going to opt for the Taxol and Herceptin combination. What that means is Michelle will take them both once per week for twelve weeks, followed by Herceptin once every three weeks for the remainder of a year. Once she has recovered sufficiently from the Taxol, she will then begin Radiation Therapy. The next question: when will that all begin? Well, it seems like the first part of April at this point, as long as Michelle continues to heal up well. Between now and then she will need to have a MUGA Scan, which tests the strength of the heart as well as checking to be sure there are no abnormalities in how it is "working". They need to do this to create a "baseline" for how the heart is operating so that they can track that and be sure the Herceptin, which has a low risk of affecting the heart, is not causing problems. This is especially important since the Adriamycin, one of the two chemo drugs Michelle took the last time, also can affect the heart though we have no indication it did. Anyway, that test is next Friday. Following that, on the 27th she will need to have a port put in that they will use in administering the chemo and Herceptin. Sigh.... honestly, it brings tears to my eyes to even type this...

Please pray for Michelle right now, this is not easy for her and certainly stirs up memories and fears she would rather not remember or deal with. In the midst of it all, we heard today a friend of ours is dealing with the fact that his cancer has returned and is untreatable. While I have not asked "Why us or Why him, Lord...?", I have certainly found myself asking "Why, Lord?" The only answers that come are that in our weakness He is shown mighty, that He is using this all to glorify His name, that He is using it to grow us, and that He will use the truths and lessons we learn as we walk through our tribulations to comfort others who walk through similar difficulties... I'm sure there are so many "divine reasons." While our flesh cries out against this, our spirits say, "May it be so, Lord." Please continue in prayer for us and also pray for our friend, Mike, and his wife (Jennifer) and kids. Thank you for all your prayers... we love each and every one of you! - Steve and Michelle -

Appointments Done

We just got home a bit ago from the days appointments with the surgeon and the Oncologist. Dr. DeHaan (surgeon) was able to remove the stitches without too much discomfort, very little in fact. Over the last couple of days the bruising and swelling has subsided substantially and he was real pleased with how things look at the surgery site. Things are doing wonderfully on that front.

Following our appointment with Dr. DeHaan we met with Dr. Hantel (Oncologist); the news was not as good on that front when it comes to the post-op treatment plan. We had been praying following the success of the surgery, and all the positive results that came from it, that Dr. Hantel would not recommend chemotherapy. Unfortunately that was not the case... the basics are he gave us three options labelled "good/ok", "better", "most aggressive". Those options are detailed/broken down as follows: "good/ok" would mean taking Herceptin once every three weeks for the next year while doing Radiation Therapy, "better" would mean taking Taxol (chemo) plus Herceptin once per week for 12 weeks followed by Herceptin once every three weeks for the rest of the year while doing Radiation Therapy, "most aggressive" would mean taking Taxol/Cytoxan (CT... chemo) plus Herceptin once every three weeks for four cycles followed by Herceptin once every three weeks for the rest of the year while doing Radiation Therapy. His recommendation is to select "better" based on Michelle's history.

Needless to say we are a bit disappointed, we were really hoping that we would not be faced with chemo. There is a strong temptation to just do Herceptin with Radiation Therapy but we are really seeking the Lord on what would be best for us. There is that part of us that never wants to look back and say "Wish we would have done more!" What a roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings...

So, we have a pretty big decision to make here; your prayers are greatly needed! Hey, listen... God is faithful and none of this has escaped His knowledge; He is not up in Heaven caught off guard, walking to and fro while wringing His hands together, muttering "How did this happen? What will I do?". No, rather, He remains on His throne in Heaven and on the thrones of our hearts, completely in control, working for our good in the midst of all of this as He walks with us. How great it is to know we have a God intimately aware of every little detail of our life; to know the God who created Heaven and Earth loves us (loves you!) and is always working on our behalf in the big and small of our lives; to know that not one microsecond of time passes that we we are not on his mind... WOW! Especially now, those truths mean so much and are so encouraging to us; may you also be encouraged!!! We love you... - Steve and Michelle -

We're Back... Posting That Is!!!

Well, hello again!!!

Sorry we have not posted recently, but not much has really changed since the last post... and then it was a really busy weekend for the Venable family! Overall, we are doing very well.

Michelle is doing better each day, though she still has some discomfort. Most of that is due to the muscle tissue that needed to be removed which has limited the use of her left arm some; though that too gets better as each day passes. The difficulty is that, in compensating for her left arm, by days end her neck and upper back tighten up. But, again, all in all she is doing quite well. The bruising is subsiding slowly and the hematomas have also gone down in size since last week, so thanks for the prayers on that!

Tomorrow we go to have the stitches removed and, following that, we also meet with the Oncologist to discuss the post-op treatment plan. So, it seems by tomorrow evening we should know what is in store for the coming weeks/months. Please be praying that no chemo will be needed!!!

OK, that's it for now... I will be sure to post as soon as I can tomorrow evening what the updates are. In the meantime, here are some verses I have been meditating on today; I trust as you read them they will minister to your heart and challenge you to have the same heart as Paul:

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." (Phil 3:7-11, NKJV)

Blessings to you all... we love you!

Stitches Still In

Hi everyone...

Well, yesterday we were supposed to see the stitches removed but, alas, they are still in. We arrived for our appointment 10 minutes early, at 3:20pm, and didn't leave there until after 6:00pm with only a couple of needle holes to show for it. A little disappointing and frustrating but we know the Lord has His reasons even for this.

The situation is that Michelle has continued to have a swelling below the incision and just to the left of it; the one off the left edge continues to be somewhat sizable (about 1.5 inches out, about 2 inches across). As Dr. DeHaan looked at it he determined it was some kind of fluid build up and thought we should take a shot at draining it off. Unfortunately, using Ultrasound and a good sized needle, he was unable to aspirate anything because they are actually hematomas (accumulation of blood that has clotted some) and not just fluid build up. The accumulation of blood was just too thick in consistency to suck out with a needle. So, the stitches are staying in an extra week due to the tension on the skin these two areas are causing. He is not concerned about this, and neither are we, at this time. We will just wait it out to see if the body will just reabsorb what is there, which is the most likely thing to occur. So, as with the appointment, it's "hurry up to wait."

Apart from the obvious, Michelle is doing well, as are the rest of us! She continues to get stronger and stronger, though she is pretty wiped-out by the end of the day. Continue to pray for her complete healing, that the hematomas will be reabsorbed back into her body, and that the soreness she gets in her neck and back by days end will diminish... oh, and continue to pray NO CHEMO! We love each and every one of you... Steve

Back Again

It has been a few days since our last post, which is actually a good thing because it means there is nothing really new to report. Overall the weekend went very well and Michelle continues to recover from her surgery at a good pace. We only had one setback, if you would call it that. On Sunday evening, after her busiest day yet, her back and neck muscles tightened up which brought on a pretty bad headache which, in turn, brought on some slight nauseousness. Some light massaging, 800mg of Ibuprofen, and a decent nights sleep seemed to do the trick so that by Monday morning she was feeling pretty good. By the end of yesterday she seemed to be feeling her best yet, Praise the Lord!

The swelling has pretty much subsided except for one specific area, right of the left edge of the incision, which is still protruding about an inch and a half out from her side and about the size of a, ummmmm, maybe a tangerine in shape. Does that make sense? The discomfort level is such that she is not taking anything for that which is great. In fact, I think the thing that is bothering her the most is a rash that is on her back brought on by the adhesive used for the vitals monitoring patch; it itches and she keeps complaining about it! Sheeesh... The only other news at this time on that front is that the stitches come out tomorrow afternoon!

We were able to attend church on Sunday morning and heard the first part of what promises to be a wonderful message series entitled, "When God Calls You Friend." As I listened to the message I wrote in my notes, "Friendship begins many times because we have things in common... common interests, hobbies, social and political views, beliefs about God, etc. As friendship deepens, we go beyond those things and begin to take on the others likes, dislikes, behaviors and character, allowing them to impact our way of thinking and living." I believe this is true in life when it comes to our earthly friendships but many times we do not look at our relationship with Jesus in the same way.

In John 15:15 Jesus calls us friend... I guess the question is, knowing that Jesus is definitely our friend (he showed that by dying on the cross for us among SO MANY other ways!), are we truly His friend? As I meditated on what I wrote above a truth came ringing through, loud and clear. We show that we are Jesus' friend by taking on His likes and dislikes, behaving as He does, and displaying His character in our lives. Practically, this is played out by how we treat the family of God, our brothers and sisters in Christ (do we love them, even those who are unlovable or are not like us?), and by how we behave in this world (do we display Christ to a lost and dying world?). Pondering that, the question that hit me upside the head was,"What does my life speak about my being a friend of Jesus?" There is no doubt He is my/our friend, but am I/are we His?

Please continue to pray for Michelle's continued healing and strength, for everything to go well when the stitches are removed tomorrow (should be routine!), and for the post-op treatment plan as we will be meeting soon with the Oncologist to determine what that will be (pray specifically no chemo!). Be blessed this day... we love you all! -Steve and Michelle-

Friday Again Already?

I apologize to those of you who come here daily to get the latest "news" on Michelle and how she is doing; I was just too worn out to get a post done last evening, not that there was much new to share with you.

Michelle finally removed the surgery dressing late Wednesday night prior to going to bed. It was a pretty emotional thing, seeing the stitches and all. Dr. DeHaan had to actually reopen the original incision (from 2001) and extend it another inch and half or so. This was due to the amount of tissue he needed to take surrounding the tumor which created a bit of difficulty in closing up after removing it. Remember that I wrote in an earlier post closing was the longest part of the surgery? Well, now we have seen why it took so long. We are both convinced that Dr. DeHaan did a great job and we trust completely his judgement in this but, needless to say, it definitely brought back to the surface a lot of the same emotions Michelle had following the original surgery. It is so hard for me to see my wife go through this (again!). Having gone through it once already, I feel I have a better grasp than most on the emotional and physical after-affects, yet I know I fall so far short of truly understanding what she is feeling or thinking. Please pray for Michelle and me in all this...

I think I wrote earlier that as the swelling has decreased Michelle's discomfort level (pain) has increased. This continues to be the case, though it seems to be getting better little by little. For two straight nights she didn't get much sleep, between the pain from the surgery and the tightening of muscles up and down her back and in her neck. Last night, I had her lay on a heating "thingy" we have that you heat in the microwave... it covered the whole length of her back and seemed to really help loosen up the tightness. We also put it around her neck a bit. As a result, she slept much better last night. As many of you have experienced, the human body is an amazing creation; as in Michelle's case, when one part hurts other parts try to adjust to make up the "difference", many times causing those other parts to feel pain as well.

That got me thinking... it's kind of like the Body of Christ, isn't it! We are told in 1Corinthians 12:1-27 that those of us who are believers in Jesus are part of the Body of Christ; in other words, though we are individuals, we as members together make up the Body of Christ! As the Body of Christ here on earth, we are His hands, feet, eyes, ears and voice, as well as those other body parts that are not as readily seen (1 Cor. 12:22-25), to be His witnesses throughout the world (Acts 1:8). Like a real body, if one part of the body suffers, we all suffer with it. What a profound truth; what I see physically occurring in Michelle's body, in that other parts suffer right along with and as a result of that part which is in pain, so too the Body of Christ "suffers" right along with us as we encounter this difficulty in our lives.

Thank you for all your prayers as you suffer along with us, rejoicing with us as well in all the Lord is doing in our lives. Now there is something the world cannot understand; how can one find joy and also rejoice in the midst of hardship, suffering and pain? Praise be to Jesus, who is the answer to that question; He has given us a secure hope that allows us to do just that!!! As you continue in prayer for us, please know you are also in our prayers as you "co-suffer" with us ... we love you!!! -Steve and Michelle -